Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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