She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
