Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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