he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
