The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
