She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
