he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
