from now on my penis is your penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
