ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
