Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
