On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize