so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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