I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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