It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
