The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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