THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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