it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
