I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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