He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So many bounce houses so little time
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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