so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A+ Viking dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
