the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
