I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
