Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
