He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize