pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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