hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
