where am i from again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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whose parrot is this?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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