you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
