Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
3 2 1 whiskey
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
