So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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