I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
