It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
