i already hear my dad disowning me
I just threw up on my dentist
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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