your parents love me but you hate me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
