just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
