I want you more than these girls want KFC
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
