I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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