Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
