I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
