this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
