I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
