I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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