I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
