Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
