2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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