Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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