So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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