Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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