all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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