dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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