it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
