i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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