too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
