I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
