Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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