So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we're making bets on your personal life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
