also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
