At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
