I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
