Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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