Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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