I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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