He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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