is your mom at the bar?
another moral hangover. fuck.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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