I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
